No One Is To Blame (Except Mom)

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend about blogs; about how we both previously wrote them but had neglected them.  I told her that I had not been inspired by anything.  Well, that changed today.  Witness the following text conversation between me and my tween, who was at camp at the time and looking through her swim bag:

Tween: MOM

Me: Yes?

Tween: DID YOU TAKE MY BRUSH OUT

Me: No

Tween: Then where is it?!?!,

Me: I did see a brush on the floor

Tween: and you didn’t tell me ugh

And that, dear readers, is the epitome of the mother/tween relationship.  See, moms of tweens are supposed to cater to our daughters’ every need, even before they know they need it, and if that need is not met, no matter how far removed we actually are from it, it is always our fault.

I have been blamed for just about everything. Supermarket is out of her favorite cookie.  My fault.  Rip in her shirt.  My fault.  No wifi at the bagel store.  My fault. No clean underwear.  My fault (OK, that one is kind of my fault but we are working slowly towards her doing her own laundry.)

I wonder why it’s so easy for mom to be the punching bag.  I think back to when I was as a tween (though I don’t believe they had that term in the pre-social media, meme and Disney Channel era.)  Yes, I was the same way with my mom.  I wonder why my tween is not that way with her dad.  I guess it is because no matter how involved fathers are in their child’s life (and my daughter’s dad is very involved), moms are always seen as the primary care-taker.  When one cog in the ever-moving machine of daily life gets stuck and the system breaks down, Chief Engineer Mom is the one to blame.

It’s hard not to get defensive. While I try to ignore these comments, sometimes I snap.  This time I chose to ignore.  A minute later I received a text that read “sorry that sounded mean.”  Victory! Then a moment later another text asking if I can take her to get her nails done.  I’ll take it.