What I (Maybe) Learned in my 40's

I regularly see articles shared on Facebook with the title “Things I learned in my 40’s”.  I cringe when I see these lists, because I end up not agreeing with each item and that makes me feel like I have failed at being 40-something. 

For example, each list always contains some version of “I no longer give a crap about what others think of me.”  If only that were true for me.  I inherited the “always give a crap about what others think of you” gene from my mom, and there is no expiration date on it. This does not apply in some circumstances.  I truly don’t give a crap if my neighbors see me in Stop and Shop looking like I just rolled out of bed.  However, I am still a work in progress with regard to the need to be liked and the need to be needed.  That being said, I have become better at just saying “no” to doing things that I really don’t want to do.  I definitely have always had FOMO (fear of missing out) but nowadays that fear has its ass beaten regularly by the desire to sit on my sectional couch (I always wanted one) and watch whatever is on TBS.

The realization that mortality is inevitable is another concept that is always on these lists.  I’m on board with that one.  My parents both passed away at the age of 81.  When I was younger, if you would have said to me that someone passed at that age, I would have said something like “wow!  81!  That person lived a long, long life.  It must have been time.” Now, my reaction is more like “81??  I can’t die at 81!  That’s the age that I planned to stop giving a crap about what others think of me!!”

Writers of these lists have come to the peaceful conclusion that the laundry will always be there, that time spent worrying about the state of one’s house is time spent not enjoying life.  Let’s be real for a moment, shall we?  While I am far from being meticulous when it comes to the neatness of my house (just ask my husband, he’ll tell you) I spend some time every single day straightening up, doing laundry, and/or going through the large stacks of papers that take over my dining room table.  You would never know it, because actually getting ahead is impossible.  As soon as I put something away, one of my children is taking two more things out. If I actually subscribed to the philosophy that “it can wait”, every inch of my floor would be covered with Shopkins, hair ties and craft projects.  Yes, often my 7 year old is asking me to play with her as I scurry around the house.  And, yes, I feel bad when I tell her that I can’t play with her at that time.  And that is why the Lord above created YouTube.

So, what have I actually learned in my 40’s?  I’ve learned that some people who you thought would always be a part of your life, won’t be, but that people who you thought were long gone can come back.

I’ve learned that we are all struggling with something.  Everyone has a story. Everyone.

I’ve learned that aside from family and friends, everyone should have something that brings them joy, something that makes them smile, something to escape to.  For me, this is music.

I’ve learned that as much as I was always determined to not make the same mistakes that I thought my parents did, I will.  But I have also learned that the key to parenting is communication.  I communicate the crap out of my kids, whether they like it or not.

What have you learned?