To Err is Human, to Beat Thyself Up Over It , Maternal

(For those expecting School Daze- Part 2, that was nixed. It's my blog and the only part of my life over which I have full control. So there.)

At approximately 8:45 tonight, the eve of my baby's first day of pre-K, I realized that she did not have a respectable backpack to bring to school. I had the one from nursery school, which, when I put it away in June, thought was in good enough shape to withstand pre-K. However, when taking it out this evening, I realized that seeing it every day last school year made me blind to how dirty and dingy it had become.

It was then, at that moment, that the guilt started. While making all of those trips for school supplies, why hadn't I just bought her a new one? Was it because she is the second child? Would I ever have let my darling first-born go to school with nothing short of a bright and shiny new backpack? There was no conclusion other than I am a horrible mother.

After the kids were nestled all snug in their beds, I headed out to Target. I started getting pretty nervous as I walked in. What could possibly be left? On my way to the back of the store, I perused each aisle to see if there was something that would suffice. The closest I came was a Hello Kitty sleeping bag that came in a backpack. OK, put that down as a "maybe."

Got to the back-to-school section, or what was left of it. No backpacks. Went to the luggage section. A few backpacks but my choices were iCarly (I don't even let my 7 year old watch that, let alone letting my 3 year old carry it on her back!), Thomas the Train and a roller Hello Kitty bag. Who designed this? Does a three year old really need a roller? A plain old backpack is not good enough? I passed on the roller once I picked it up and realized how much it weighed. I also passed on the sleeping bag thing as it was too thin and would not fit the folder she is bound to get which will be filled with all of her works of art. Can't have those getting squished!

Next stop was Wal-Mart. Have you even been to Wal-Mart at 9:30 on a Sunday night? I felt like I was in a parking lot after a Motley Crue concert. Litter everywhere, stepping over empty cigarette packs, bottles, assorted what-not. Choices there were Batman or pink camouflage, neither appropriate in my opinion.

I left in defeat. I had failed my little darling. I wondered how quickly I could order one online. The thing is, she never even talked about a backpack. The guilt all came from me, completely self-imposed.

I passed Walgreen's on my way home and decided to stop in. Turned the corner of aisle 5 and saw a flash of pink, gold trim and shiny material. The angels started singing. A Disney princess backpack with her favorite princess represented. But just then, the angles came to a screeching halt, like the needle pulling across an old LP. The backpack was large. Really pretty large. Would it be too big? Why would there even be a backpack with Disney princesses that large? Feeling desperate, I bought it. I brought it home and the first thing my husband said was "that looks big." Great, now I am going to cause my little sweetie back pain. She will be the Hunchback of Pre-K.

Tomorrow I will go online with my precious and let her choose one. Until then, last year's backpack is currently soaking in hot water and dish liquid in my kitchen sink.

School Daze-Part 1

I have very mixed feeling about the start of the school year.

Part of me wants to glide on a shopping cart down the aisle of my local Staples like the guy in the commercial while "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" plays. Don't get me wrong, the girls and I have had some fun times together this summer. However, any parent knows how difficult it is to keep kids amused these days, even with so much available to them. We can have a day filled with the most spectacular activities, but when we get home one or both of the kids will undoubtedly ask "what are we doing now?" or proclaim that they are bored.

This is especially tough for a mom like me. I am not the sort of uber mom who can come up with a craft activity for her kids that will keep them engaged using only duct tape, pipe cleaners and paper clips. I also don't like to play pretend. Yes, there it is, I said it. The words that strike fear in me are when my 3-year old says to me "Mommy, will you play dolls with me?" After about 2 minutes I start thinking of any excuse. "Honey, Mommy has to start dinner.", "Honey, Mommy has to put the clothes in the dryer". "Honey, Mommy has to write the next Star Wars chapter."

I am not sure what it is about "playing dolls" that is so boring to me. I do love watching my daughter do it, coming up with scenarios and characters, I guess when you become an adult it's just harder to do that yourself. You'd think years of watching TV would help me concoct elaborate story lines for the dolls, but I guess it's not appropriate to have Ken knock up Barbie after dating her on and off for years and then marry her in Vegas while drunk, divorce her and eventually stop her from going to Paris to take a job in the fashion industry (yes, that is the story line of Ross and Rachel from "Friends.")

In all fairness to me, I will say that I do love coloring. I would color with my daughters all day if I could. And I am a total sucker for Candyland. I beg my daughter to play it with me. I just love the unpredictability of it. One minute you are heading towards the finish line, ready to meet King Kandy, the next you pull the Gingerbread Man card and are sent way back. Such is life.

And there is the financial impact of having the kids home. Everything costs money! Did you know that?? Animal Farm? Money. Museum? Money. Library? Well, no money, unless you are like me and return your movies late. In that case, Money! And then there is the mall. If I need something and take the kids with me, of course I end up buying things for them, then there are snacks, the rides, and the consolation prize for me for taking two cranky kids with me to the mall (this prize is usually in the form of a new purse.)

So, you would think given all of the above I would be looking forward to the first day of school like a kid looking forward to Christmas? Well, I don't work like that. There are always things to stress me out about any situation. Lucky you, you get to hear about those things in the next installment.