I admit it, I am one of those Catholics who only goes to church on Christmas Eve. Well, that used to be the case. You see, my third-grade daughter is making her First Holy Communion this May. That, in and of itself, shows our lack of religious affiliation, as she is making it one year later than children traditionally do. So, this year is the big Communion year, and with that comes a whole lot of church going. There are special masses that we must attend, and written assignments that she must do based on them.
Two Sundays ago my daughter and I went to church. It was the first non-major-Catholic holiday mass she had ever attended. We went to the "childrens mass" which I hoped would make it more interesting for her. At one point they ask the children to go into another room, something I remember doing back when I was young. When the children are led back in, I spot my darling, arms crossed and face scowled. She returns to her seat and exclaims "That was boring!" OK, first day not starting off so great.
During the mass I tried not to look like a newbie. This is difficult since they have recently changed some of the prayers and responses that have been ingrained in me since childhood. I feel like the last one invited to the party. When the priest says "the Lord be with you", I instinctively say "and also with you." This, however, is not the appropriate response anymore, as it has been replaced with "and with your spirit." Don't ask me why they felt the need to change this. If it ain't broke don't fix it, I say, and I doubt "and also with you" was all that broken. I hate to sound like Oliver Stone, but I think it's a conspiracy against us non-Church goin' folks. These days, it's easy to spot us, as we are the ones mouthing the wrong words. (And on a related note regarding additional new text, if someone can tell me what "consubstantial" means without looking it up, I will send you $5.)
I sat there and tried hard to focus on the mass, but my mind kept wandering. The monologue in my head went like this: "Ohh, I love that woman's purse. Stop it! You should not be thinking of material things during mass. OK, pay attention now!....God, that is a beautiful purse. Oops, sorry, God... Is that a Coach bag? I think it says Coach, maybe if I lean this way I can tell. I wonder if she got it at the outlet store. I haven't been there in a while, not that I need anything but it's always fun to go. FOCUS!!"
During the collection portion of mass I tell my daughter to complete her writing assignment and the conversation goes something like this:
Me: "Did they read the Gospel to you?"
Her: "I don't know, it was something with Moses." I show her the Gospel and she confirms that this is what was read to them.
Me: "Did you all discuss it afterwards?"
Her: "No."
Me: "There was no homily?"
Her: "No."
Me: "No discussion about the Gospel??"
Her: "Maybe a little."
Me: "So there was a homily."
Her: "They never said the word "homily"."
Me (exasperated): "They don't have to say the word homily, it just IS the homily!" It is at that point that I realize just how much I have failed in my duties as a Catholic parent, and I picture my Italian ancestors rolling over in their graves.
So here I am, struggling to return to the Church like a prodigal daughter; walking the tightrope between appearing hypocritical and being genuinely sincere in wanting my daughters to be exposed to the sense of community that religion brings. I still hold on to some traditions but have let go of others. I wanted to get married in a church, and I do insist on church at Christmas, but I eat meat on Fridays during Lent and have not set foot in a confessioinal booth since Andy Gibb was on the charts and Dallas was on TV.
The next week we return to Sunday mass. My daughter tells me that the Gospel will be boring and I ask why. She replies that she already heard it the prior week. I explain that it will be a different Gospel every week and again picture Giacomo, Augusta, etc. rolling in their aforementioned graves. One small victory, though; in week 2, she arrives back to her seat after the children’s portion in a much better mood. Yes, that was because she found a friend from soccer to sit next to, but I'll take it.
