Recently my friend and her husband planned a trip to Disney World for themselves and their two children, ages 4 and 5. She devised a clever way to tell them about the trip, gathering all of their Disney character toys together and carefully placing them on the floor. She then turned on the video camera and called the kids over to have them guess where they would be going. After a couple of incorrect guesses, she told them. There was a moment of silence, then the 5 year old said "I thought the surprise would be even better."
When she told me about this, I completely empathized with her. I told her that I gave up "surprising" my kids a while ago, after too many disappointments. But the disappointment that was the catalyst for my surprise-embargo was not theirs, it was mine. Too many times I told my girls that I had a surprise for them when I got home, only to have the same sort of disappointment come my way that my friend experienced. Unfortunately, no matter how fabulous, elaborate and major your surprise may be (it was DISNEY WORLD for Chrissake!), the kids will always think it should have been something more fabulous, more elaborate and more major.
You would think I would have learned this lesson from my own experience. Many, many years ago, I came home from school to my mother telling me that she had a surprise for me upstairs on my bed. I bounded up the stairs, no doubt wondering if there was a new Adam Ant LP record or pink bandana awaiting me. I threw open the door and there, on my bed, in a box, was a training bra. As disappointed as I was, I'm sure it was even worse for my mom.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Maybe.
First, here is my disclaimer. This post is not for anyone under 12 years of age. If you are under 12 and reading this, then I am held harmless from any damages caused by his blog. Besides, shouldn't your parents be monitoring what you see on the internet anyway? See, it's always the parents' fault.
So, how old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? My daughter is 8 and she is asking questions. First, she announced to my husband and I that she was not going to write a letter to Santa, create a list or produce any other form of written documentation. She said that she would make a "Christmas wish" that only Santa would receive. My husband and I looked at each other in panic. OK, this was a test. What do we do? Do we bluff or fold? Every moment of parenting (and watching Celebrity Poker Showdown) came down to this. We played it cool. We explained that making a Christmas wish was fine, but then coaxed the information out of her. Maybe we outsmarted her, or maybe she realized that if she didn't actually tell us, there was no way she was getting the blue digital camera she wants (if that is the case, she failed to realize that she gets a few more years of Santa gifts anyway, thanks to her 4-year old sister, who hopefully has some time before reality sets in.)
Then there were other questions. "If nobody has ever really seen Santa, how do people know what he looks like" and the ever-popular and equally annoying "so and so from school says that there is no Santa Claus." In those times, I stick with the canned response, "if you believe in him, then he is real."
We are not the type of parents who create elaborate plans to make it look like Santa is there; no climbing on the roof top making reindeer hoof sounds for us. We leave out cookies and carrots and thankfully remember to take them away (save for a few cookie crumbs) when the girls go to sleep. We do wrap Santa's gifts in different wrapping paper, but my daughter was quick to point out the other night that last year Santa's gift tags were the same ones that daddy used. We are also a bit lazy with our adherence to the correct pronouns. Looking at stocking stuffers is usually peppered with "I-er, he knew you would like that." It's a lot of effort to keep this up when you are both just too tired from staying up the night before wrapping gifts.
I am not proud to admit it. OK, here is goes. I want the credit for the good gifts. There, I said it. No, Santa did not make this in his workshop. Mommy went to Target two months ago to make sure you had this, even though that meant that it left you time to change your mind, which you did, so back to Target, this time two weeks before Christmas, to wait on long lines to make sure that you got the gifts of both Christmas list past and present. Yeah, I know, I have approval issues.
Last night, I was cuddling with my 4-year old. She was so excited because she received reindeer food and could not wait to leave it out. I asked her what would be left behind, expecting her to say "presents!", but instead smiled and said "crumbs". And I remembered why we lie to our children.
So, how old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? My daughter is 8 and she is asking questions. First, she announced to my husband and I that she was not going to write a letter to Santa, create a list or produce any other form of written documentation. She said that she would make a "Christmas wish" that only Santa would receive. My husband and I looked at each other in panic. OK, this was a test. What do we do? Do we bluff or fold? Every moment of parenting (and watching Celebrity Poker Showdown) came down to this. We played it cool. We explained that making a Christmas wish was fine, but then coaxed the information out of her. Maybe we outsmarted her, or maybe she realized that if she didn't actually tell us, there was no way she was getting the blue digital camera she wants (if that is the case, she failed to realize that she gets a few more years of Santa gifts anyway, thanks to her 4-year old sister, who hopefully has some time before reality sets in.)
Then there were other questions. "If nobody has ever really seen Santa, how do people know what he looks like" and the ever-popular and equally annoying "so and so from school says that there is no Santa Claus." In those times, I stick with the canned response, "if you believe in him, then he is real."
We are not the type of parents who create elaborate plans to make it look like Santa is there; no climbing on the roof top making reindeer hoof sounds for us. We leave out cookies and carrots and thankfully remember to take them away (save for a few cookie crumbs) when the girls go to sleep. We do wrap Santa's gifts in different wrapping paper, but my daughter was quick to point out the other night that last year Santa's gift tags were the same ones that daddy used. We are also a bit lazy with our adherence to the correct pronouns. Looking at stocking stuffers is usually peppered with "I-er, he knew you would like that." It's a lot of effort to keep this up when you are both just too tired from staying up the night before wrapping gifts.
I am not proud to admit it. OK, here is goes. I want the credit for the good gifts. There, I said it. No, Santa did not make this in his workshop. Mommy went to Target two months ago to make sure you had this, even though that meant that it left you time to change your mind, which you did, so back to Target, this time two weeks before Christmas, to wait on long lines to make sure that you got the gifts of both Christmas list past and present. Yeah, I know, I have approval issues.
Last night, I was cuddling with my 4-year old. She was so excited because she received reindeer food and could not wait to leave it out. I asked her what would be left behind, expecting her to say "presents!", but instead smiled and said "crumbs". And I remembered why we lie to our children.
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