One Moment In Time (Not Just a Whitney Houston song)

I've been on somewhat of a self-help kick lately. (Maybe it's the fact that I turned 50 this year.) One of the things I've been reading about is mindfulness.  Here's the definition:

mind·ful·ness

/ˈmīn(d)f(ə)lnəs/

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noun

1. 1.

   the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.

   "their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition"
2. 2.

   a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I suck at mindfulness.  Like, really suck. Especially at that "calmly" part.

The fact is, Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.  I mean, if high school student Ferris Bueller knew that, then 50 year old me should be smart enough to figure that out, right? 

Not so much.

When engaging in mindfulness, one doesn't dwell on the past or project into the future.  All that matters in the current reality, the current moment, and your response to it.  Here is where I have trouble. I could be the poster child for...what would be the opposite of mindfulness, mindlessness? Mindemptyness? Those sound pretty horrible and way too judgemental, so let's just say I am mindfulness-adjacent and leave it at that.

It's all too easy to take our baggage with us everywhere we go, whether the baggage is the size of a carry-on or as big as a suitcase that teeters on the edge of not being allowed on the flight without you having to open it up and take out some items. The point is, our past influences our present, and it's tough to look at a moment with purely nonjudgmental eyes, without our ideas, hopes, fears, or expectations blinding us.  It's difficult to appreciate a moment without trying to control it, to see things as they are and not how we want them to be, to allow things to happen naturally without forcing them into existence. 

I know I have work to do. I also know that I will never be the sort of person who can obtain a deep state of meditation with a clear mind.  I will never not get angry at my kids when I need to ask them three times to hang up their coats. I will never be a great cook, as much as I try to make that true.  I will, however, try to be more conscious of the present and attempt to see reality, my reality, and the people and places within it, with fresh eyes, and maybe with some 2020 vision.  (See what I did there?)